Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Creative Puns for "Educated Minds"

Received this from my mother in law in email this afternoon. ~~Ginger

CREATIVE PUNS FOR 'EDUCATED MINDS'





1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir

Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out

to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was

a weapon of math disruption.



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his

work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.



12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to

the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."



14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.




15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."



16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When

his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change

yet."



17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



21. A backward poet writes inverse.



22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Friday, January 02, 2009

No Promises - Happy New Year

My New Year's resolution is to free myself from grudges, regrets, and negativity toward myself and others that I may live a more healthy, positive life. I believe this will free up my Muse and allow me to write again and open up my creativity.

So consider this the first of many posts for 2009! And here's a nice story to inspire you (that I didn't write). ~~Ginger

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'

'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.

Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.

'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing.

'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.


'Don't Cry Because It Is Over, Smile Because It Happened'