Monday, January 28, 2013

Finding Myself

Dinner Plate

Salad Plate

Bowl - Apparently Made Out of Gold

I ordered these dishes online the other day. The pattern is discontinued, but I liked it so well that I decided it was worth it to pay extra for what I wanted. I ordered six dinner plates and six salad plates since my "family" is quite small these days. The soup bowls cost a king's ransom, and I am still kicking around whether I want to invest that much into the bowls. 

I've spent most of my life being frugal, practical, stretching a dollar, "getting by," "doing" with what was available or affordable -- usually least expensive. 

Raising four children tends to push what you want to the back of the line. Thirty years of raising children can cause you to forget what you even liked. That's the case with me. Dreaming, missing things, was too painful. I didn't like feeling wistful for things I couldn't possibly have, so I just pushed them away. Eventually, I forgot what it was that I even liked. 

Now I'm exploring, indulging myself. It's fun. It feels decadent and sinful somehow, to choose something just because I like it. Even more fun is rediscovering what *I* like. I spent so many years being practical, compliant, settling for what everyone else wanted because "it wasn't important." Eventually, the message I taught myself was that I wasn't important. 

Trying not to do the whole pendulum swing where I over-indulge or over-compensate. Or at least, I'm over-compensating in small areas like cool notebooks and pens and incense. 

It's fun to rediscover myself - or discover this person I've quietly grown into over the last thirty or so years. I didn't realize she existed. She's kind of cool. ~~GH


Amber said...

She IS cool. And has good taste, as well. :)

Debbie said...

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes that habit of being practical can be hard to break. I read a remark somewhere from an elderly lady in a nursing home, and she said if she could do it over again, she would use the good dishes and wear the good clothes. We save the best for everyone else and often it's too late when we realize we are just as important. So, I hope you use your beautiful things every day.

Ginger said...

Thank you, on both counts! :) <3

We humans take concepts and turn them on their heads. Like being practical -- the purpose is to be able to live a good life. When we deny ourselves SO MUCH in the name of being practical (or frugal, etc.), we limit our quality of life.

I wouldn't think twice about buying nice stationery for someone else, but have to push myself to buy it for me. Then it's like pulling hen's teeth to make myself actually USE the stationery.

I'm trying to do better. I am going to use my beautiful things every day! :) <3

Love ya both,