Soul Check Mate

I am coarse, often crude. I am not delicate nor as dainty as a dragonfly's wing. I am outspoken. I cuss like a sailor. I can be cantankerous. I am obstinate when I get out of sorts. I am also loyal to the death, loving, generous, intelligent, witty. I can charm the pants off a rattlesnake when I set my mind to it (and that's a trick. Try it sometime). I am curious and open-minded. I'm not entirely hard on the eyes. Sometimes I'm even funny. 

I have other positive traits. My point is not on selling myself.

But I damned well guarantee if I signed up for the "Find your eternal soul-mate" offer I received in email, they'd end up refunding my money. ~~GH