Saturday, November 12, 2005

Gorilla Warfare

Here's a little ditty to tide my readers over until I can get back ontrack with "The Party Line" and NaNoWriMo. It's called "Gorilla Warfare" and was first published in USA Deep South. (There should be a link on the lower right to USA Deep South, where you can read the edited version).

Gorilla Warfare

Today I found a moldy banana in the cat chow container. My children declare they know nothing about it. Apparently some escaped gorilla is hiding in my home hoarding food in my plastic containers, waiting to take over the world -- or at least my little corner of it.

Today’s banana discovery is as bewildering as the chicken bones under the sofa cushion were last year. Then, I assumed wolves were planning to take over. Now my home is under attack by primates. That would explain the tangle of clothing drooping out of bureau drawers and creeping across the floors in my children's rooms. Wicked apes are donning my teens’ clothing, attempting to fit in with the general population. This could also explain the phenomenon of "sagging" that is so popular today, where young men wear the largest possible jeans as low on their hips as possible without them falling off.

I used to think sagging began as a gang joke. An unsuitable recruit begged to join. The gang put their heads together and said, "Okay, Julio, if you wear Fat Manuel's jeans for one week with no belt and don’t use your hands, and they don't fall off -- well, you're in." Julio wanted so badly to fit that he ignored the jeers and taunts from others in the ‘hood. He shuffled through with Fat Manuel's size fitty-fo' jeans on his narrow size t'irty-two hips for a week and won his prized bandana.

Now I realize ill-fitting garments are the result of animals in our midst wearing clothes, trying to blend in. How else did that rotten banana get into my cat chow container? If you still have doubts, talk to a middle school teacher. Children never lie to their parents, but those gorillas, well, you just can't tell.


Fran Friel said...


You have uncovered an unsavory primate conspiracy. You may have saved us all. Please thank your kids for their part in this world altering discovery. I have installed gorilla detection devices around my house just to be safe. Thank you for your service to humanity!

Yada Feast

Ginger said...

You're so welcome, Fran. I tell you, it was dicey there for awhile before I figured it out. It wasn't until I wrote this piece that I realized how many negative ape-type stories I'd written. And to think that I don't intentionally hold a grudge for our ancestors!


Fran Friel said...

Well, I should have been clued into this whole gorilla thing years ago. I have three older hairy sticky brothers. ;)

Stop by and see me at the Yada Feast, G!


PS - Good luck with NaNo - I can't help think of Mork from Ork when I see that. NaNoo NaNoo!