Why Choose to Keep Living When Life Is So Damned Hard?
I
have always been fascinated with death. I worked as a terminal care
nurse in the 1970s and 1980s. During those years as part of my job
and also a result of my personal curiosity, I interviewed and
counseled thousands of people about their feelings about death and
dying.
I
attended hundreds of deaths. I can attest that the process of dying
is, in and of itself, painless. I do not fear the process of dying,
and due to my belief in reincarnation and eternal life, I do not fear
death (what comes after one dies).
Now
I am a middle-aged woman who chooses to keep living despite a handful
of illnesses. I see countless people struggle to keep living
under the worst of circumstances. Popular media bombards us with
negativity and hopelessness. Depression is rampant. Suicide is a very
real component of society. Suicide rates by state ranged from 5.5 to
23.37 per 100,000 population in 2004 (Care). My fascination has
shifted from death to what makes people want to stay alive. What is
the underlying drive to stay alive?
It
is a common misperception that human beings possess an innate desire
to keep the species alive. This is referred to as the biological
imperative. While most scientists do agree that single-celled
organisms possess a true biological imperative, two-time finalist for
the Pulitzer Prize and Johnstone Family Professor in the Department
of Psychology at Harvard University Dr. Steven Pinker contends the
true biological imperative in humans is sex drive, and not
reproduction or a need to keep the species alive (Pinker). His
research proves his point. In short, if humans possessed a true need
to propagate, men would line up at sperm banks instead of strip
clubs.
Many
Christians believe they are charged by God to multiply and replenish
the Earth. Yet Christian scripture references only two instances of
“multiply and replenish” – once when mankind began in the
Garden of Eden, and again after the world population was decimated
following Noah’s flood. Thus the so-called “biological
imperative” does not exist in either our innate biology or our
souls (according to Christianity’s teachings).
So
perhaps our motivation is less a desire to stay alive and more a fear
of death? Human beliefs about death fall into three broad spectrums:
resurrection, reincarnation, and ceasing to exist (Death). Individual
beliefs exercise great influence on how people view life and death.
Some religions teach there is a literal Hell. Some religions as well
as many atheists believe that once we die, we cease to exist.
Religions that teach resurrection promise life everlasting. And
spiritualities that teach reincarnation tend to look forward to the
next progression in life’s cycle.
It is understandable
that people would fear death if it means spending an eternity of
torment in a blazing river of fire. Although mainstream Christians
tend to believe in the existence of a literal Hell, the promise of
forgiveness of sins eliminates the need to spend eternity in Hell and
should relieve believers of that reason to fear death. Those who
believe in reincarnation after death rarely fear death and tend to
look forward to the next progression.
That
would seem to suggest that only those who believe existence ends at
the moment of death have reason to avoid it. We know from popular
culture that is far from reality; people of all beliefs hang onto
life and fight to live every day. Rationally or not, people fear
dying and death, the great underlying leveler of mankind – the
process each of us must undergo at some point despite our station in
life.
Fears
include concerns for survivors; the aspect of not knowing what
happens after we die; the loss of control; as well as pain, illness,
or loss of dignity (Fritscher). The natural process of dying is
painless; when coupled with disease or injury, it can be complicated
by pain and a resultant fear of loss of dignity occurs.
Still,
I feel compelled to frame the question in the positive: Why do we
choose to keep living? Does an entire species fight to stay alive
solely out of fear of death? Life is hard. The world is in a mess.
Sometimes people just want the pain to stop. The illusion is that
giving up would be easier than struggling toward the pinnacle of that
Matterhorn of Existence, pickaxe in hand, “uphill both ways in the
snow.”
I
surveyed 75 people to gain some external insights about hopelessness
and methods of coping with hopelessness. The respondents are
primarily female (85.5%), under 30 (82.6%), and 67.6% feel they are
better able to cope now than when they were younger. One-third of
respondents (25) admitted to one or more chronic medical conditions
and all but one found Life harder because of it, Those same 24 who
find Life more difficult also perceive themselves better able to cope
with hopelessness as they grow older.
The
inevitability of death can contribute to both the fear of or lack of
fear of death. My survey results revealed two motivations which
demonstrate resignation to the unavoidability of death (negative –
“I’m helpless; death is unavoidable,” “Nothing I can do will
change it”) and (positive – “It is what it is so I may as well
live as long as possible”).
I
keep on living for several reasons. Love: I genuinely love and adore
my family and friends and want to spend more time with them. Expected
Reward: I’ve invested so much into my marriage, I intend to reap
those benefits. I did the hard stuff when I was younger and now I
want to enjoy watching my children and grandchildren continue to
develop. I’ve spent a lifetime learning to write and I want to
enjoy the fruits of my labor. Altruism: Also, I have so much to give
back to the community now. I consider myself a golden resource. I
also believe in reincarnation and in the concept that I still have
lessons to learn in this dispensation.
Respondents’
positive motivations for choosing to continue living involve hope,
optimism, and altruism, as well as a sense of incompletion. Survey
results include “I believe things are going to get better,” “I
can help others./have a positive influence on others,” “I’m not
finished here yet,” “I am curious about the future,” and “I
want to watch my children/ grandchildren grow up.” Concern for
others is another motivation to continue living (“I don’t want my
family to have to deal with the fallout from my suicide”).
The
last question in my survey asked subjects to list at least one joy
they look forward to in life. My purpose for asking this was twofold:
I wanted to end a potentially depressing questionnaire on a hopeful,
positive note. I also wanted to know what sorts of things motivate
people to keep living. In no particular order, people most often
chose: physical contact with others (lovers, family members, babies);
sensual Nature experiences (sights, smells, touch, and sounds);
smells, sights, and tastes of food; the sensation/perception of being
loved by and loving another; health or regaining health; sleep or
feeling rested. (Individuals)
My
conclusion is that while there is an underlying concern, however
irrational, with the process of dying, the mysteries of Death, and
the uncertainties of the right- or wrongfulness of ending their own
lives, most people choose to keep living despite feelings of
hopelessness because they expect or anticipate that their situation
will improve, they aren’t ready to relinquish physical sensation,
and they want to connect or reconnect with others.
There’s
something to be said for curling up with someone you love in front of
a crackling fireplace, toasting marshmallows while feeling their
breath on your hair, and sharing an ice cream cone, that just makes
you believe Life will get better. There is something to be said for
being in the present. There is something to be said for Love.
Works Cited
Care, Mental Health America and Thomson Health. "Ranking
America's Mental Health: An Analysis of Depression Across the
States." 2012. Mental Health America.net. Web site. 2012.
Death. n.d. Web site. 24 March 2012.
.
Fritscher, Lisa. Thanatophobias. 30 April 2011. Web site. 24
March 2012.
.
Individuals, Survey of 75. Interview. Ginger Hamilton Caudill. March
2012. Internet Survey Tool.
Pinker, Steven A. "Genetic Mandate or Social Impulse?" n.d.
American Radio Works. Web site. 24 March 2012.
.
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