Guest Poet: Jack Gilbert

What if the heart does not pale as the body wanes 

 but is like the sun that blazes hotter each day 

on these immense, perishing fields? What then?

~~Jack Gilbert

Keeping On

Alma slid the timecard into the slot with a gentleness that belied the strength in her gnarled brown fingers. For years, her hands wrung the last stubborn drip from a thousand soggy bath towels, but Alma had the misery now. Oh, if she had to do it, she still could. Thank merciful heaven she didn't do washin' no more.


These days the only washin' she did was when the old folks didn't make it to the potty chair in time. She'd clean their bottoms, pat `em dry, and then powder `em so they didn't get a rash.

The patients loved her stories about the old days. Alma boasted how her deft hands sent yard birds to heaven before they could squawk in protest. She spoke of shucking corn and snapping beans, putting up dozens of jars of apple butter she'd cooked all day long in an old copper kettle. 

Alma figured she'd shucked a silo of corn and snapped a trainload of beans in her time. She'd changed enough diapers to cover every rear end in Potts County – man, woman, and child. She reckoned she'd burped four generations of babies -- black, white, and every shade between.

Her hands had lifted her man Leroy right over the edge of ecstasy and set him smack-dab in the middle, breathless and grateful. She'd plaited his hair, her nimble fingers a chocolate blur as she worked. When he'd had his heart attack, Alma kept things running smooth, selling her canned vegetables, fruits and jams to the tourists who came to town that spring. She'd even pocketed a little pin money nobody knew about but her and God. 

Leroy'd been dead three years now, she reckoned. He was a good man. He worked hard and turned his money over to her every Saturday morning when he got paid. He didn't have much to say but he loved her with a fierce passion and didn't trot around on her none. A woman couldn't ask for much more.

Her co-worker Nancy's soft voice transported Alma's thoughts back to the time clock nook. Alma blinked and looked at the timecard. "What you gonna do this weekend, Miz Alma?"

She flashed a broad smile at the younger woman. "Oh, lawd, child, I reckon I'm a-gonna keep on doin' what I always done." Alma patted Nancy's shoulder. "See you first thing Monday morning."

The Ineffable Essay

Here is the paper I composed last semester based on the answers to my questionnaire (Click to read post). Let me just observe that some of the statements I made regarding my marriage are exquisitely painful to read now, but Irony is what it is. Hey, when you write Truth, you write what you know to be true at the time. Truth is not set in stone, despite what you might believe.~~GHC

Why Choose to Keep Living When Life Is So Damned Hard?

I have always been fascinated with death. I worked as a terminal care nurse in the 1970s and 1980s. During those years as part of my job and also a result of my personal curiosity, I interviewed and counseled thousands of people about their feelings about death and dying.

I attended hundreds of deaths. I can attest that the process of dying is, in and of itself, painless. I do not fear the process of dying, and due to my belief in reincarnation and eternal life, I do not fear death (what comes after one dies).

Now I am a middle-aged woman who chooses to keep living despite a handful of illnesses. I see countless people struggle to keep living under the worst of circumstances. Popular media bombards us with negativity and hopelessness. Depression is rampant. Suicide is a very real component of society. Suicide rates by state ranged from 5.5 to 23.37 per 100,000 population in 2004 (Care). My fascination has shifted from death to what makes people want to stay alive. What is the underlying drive to stay alive?

It is a common misperception that human beings possess an innate desire to keep the species alive. This is referred to as the biological imperative. While most scientists do agree that single-celled organisms possess a true biological imperative, two-time finalist for the Pulitzer Prize and Johnstone Family Professor in the Department of Psychology at Harvard University Dr. Steven Pinker contends the true biological imperative in humans is sex drive, and not reproduction or a need to keep the species alive (Pinker). His research proves his point. In short, if humans possessed a true need to propagate, men would line up at sperm banks instead of strip clubs.

Many Christians believe they are charged by God to multiply and replenish the Earth. Yet Christian scripture references only two instances of “multiply and replenish” – once when mankind began in the Garden of Eden, and again after the world population was decimated following Noah’s flood. Thus the so-called “biological imperative” does not exist in either our innate biology or our souls (according to Christianity’s teachings).

So perhaps our motivation is less a desire to stay alive and more a fear of death? Human beliefs about death fall into three broad spectrums: resurrection, reincarnation, and ceasing to exist (Death). Individual beliefs exercise great influence on how people view life and death. Some religions teach there is a literal Hell. Some religions as well as many atheists believe that once we die, we cease to exist. Religions that teach resurrection promise life everlasting. And spiritualities that teach reincarnation tend to look forward to the next progression in life’s cycle.

It is understandable that people would fear death if it means spending an eternity of torment in a blazing river of fire. Although mainstream Christians tend to believe in the existence of a literal Hell, the promise of forgiveness of sins eliminates the need to spend eternity in Hell and should relieve believers of that reason to fear death. Those who believe in reincarnation after death rarely fear death and tend to look forward to the next progression.

That would seem to suggest that only those who believe existence ends at the moment of death have reason to avoid it. We know from popular culture that is far from reality; people of all beliefs hang onto life and fight to live every day. Rationally or not, people fear dying and death, the great underlying leveler of mankind – the process each of us must undergo at some point despite our station in life.

    Fears include concerns for survivors; the aspect of not knowing what happens after we die; the loss of control; as well as pain, illness, or loss of dignity (Fritscher). The natural process of dying is painless; when coupled with disease or injury, it can be complicated by pain and a resultant fear of loss of dignity occurs.

            Still, I feel compelled to frame the question in the positive: Why do we choose to keep living? Does an entire species fight to stay alive solely out of fear of death? Life is hard. The world is in a mess. Sometimes people just want the pain to stop. The illusion is that giving up would be easier than struggling toward the pinnacle of that Matterhorn of Existence, pickaxe in hand, “uphill both ways in the snow.”

              I surveyed 75 people to gain some external insights about hopelessness and methods of coping with hopelessness. The respondents are primarily female (85.5%), under 30 (82.6%), and 67.6% feel they are better able to cope now than when they were younger. One-third of respondents (25) admitted to one or more chronic medical conditions and all but one found Life harder because of it, Those same 24 who find Life more difficult also perceive themselves better able to cope with hopelessness as they grow older.

The inevitability of death can contribute to both the fear of or lack of fear of death. My survey results revealed two motivations which demonstrate resignation to the unavoidability of death (negative – “I’m helpless; death is unavoidable,” “Nothing I can do will change it”) and (positive – “It is what it is so I may as well live as long as possible”).

            I keep on living for several reasons. Love: I genuinely love and adore my family and friends and want to spend more time with them. Expected Reward: I’ve invested so much into my marriage, I intend to reap those benefits. I did the hard stuff when I was younger and now I want to enjoy watching my children and grandchildren continue to develop. I’ve spent a lifetime learning to write and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Altruism: Also, I have so much to give back to the community now. I consider myself a golden resource. I also believe in reincarnation and in the concept that I still have lessons to learn in this dispensation.

            Respondents’ positive motivations for choosing to continue living involve hope, optimism, and altruism, as well as a sense of incompletion. Survey results include “I believe things are going to get better,” “I can help others./have a positive influence on others,” “I’m not finished here yet,” “I am curious about the future,” and “I want to watch my children/ grandchildren grow up.” Concern for others is another motivation to continue living (“I don’t want my family to have to deal with the fallout from my suicide”).

The last question in my survey asked subjects to list at least one joy they look forward to in life. My purpose for asking this was twofold: I wanted to end a potentially depressing questionnaire on a hopeful, positive note. I also wanted to know what sorts of things motivate people to keep living. In no particular order, people most often chose: physical contact with others (lovers, family members, babies); sensual Nature experiences (sights, smells, touch, and sounds); smells, sights, and tastes of food; the sensation/perception of being loved by and loving another; health or regaining health; sleep or feeling rested. (Individuals)

My conclusion is that while there is an underlying concern, however irrational, with the process of dying, the mysteries of Death, and the uncertainties of the right- or wrongfulness of ending their own lives, most people choose to keep living despite feelings of hopelessness because they expect or anticipate that their situation will improve, they aren’t ready to relinquish physical sensation, and they want to connect or reconnect with others.

There’s something to be said for curling up with someone you love in front of a crackling fireplace, toasting marshmallows while feeling their breath on your hair, and sharing an ice cream cone, that just makes you believe Life will get better. There is something to be said for being in the present. There is something to be said for Love.

Works Cited

Care, Mental Health America and Thomson Health. "Ranking America's Mental Health: An Analysis of Depression Across the States." 2012. Mental Health America.net. Web site. 2012.

Death. n.d. Web site. 24 March 2012. .

Fritscher, Lisa. Thanatophobias. 30 April 2011. Web site. 24 March 2012. .

Individuals, Survey of 75. Interview. Ginger Hamilton Caudill. March 2012. Internet Survey Tool.

Pinker, Steven A. "Genetic Mandate or Social Impulse?" n.d. American Radio Works. Web site. 24 March 2012. .

The Ineffable Essay: Questionnaire

Cheating again. Here is the questionnaire for the survey I created to provide data for my research paper for last semester's 300-level expository writing class. I've never had any formal research training, so it is what it is.

The Ineffable Essay: Why We Keep On Living When Life Gets Hard

1.      What is your gender: Please specify male/female/transgender/choose not to reply

2.      What age group do you fall into: Type age or general decade you fall into (examples: 24 or 20s):

3.      As detailed (or simply) as you want, please describe what you believe happens after you die. Take as much or as little space as you want.

4.      Does this belief differ substantially from what you were taught as a child?

5.      Many people use self-talk to rejuvenate and reinforce positive mental attitude. If you are a person who uses self-talk, what self-talk do you use to urge yourself to "keep on" when times are hard? (Examples to get you started include "Things will get better." "This too shall pass." "Tomorrow will be a better day.") Please list as many as you wish. If you don't "self-talk," do you consider it an effective or helpful tool?

6.      What other coping mechanisms do you utilize to encourage yourself and inspire you to "keep on"? Include talking with friends, loved ones, chatting online, prayer, exercise, comforting activities such as eating, sleeping, intimacy with a partner or self, hobbies or creative activities, mind-altering substance use, anything that helps you. Please list as many as you wish.

7.      Think of a time when you felt hopeless (if you have experienced such a time). Were you most inspired to "keep on" because of: (a) Someone else (child, loved one, parent, etc.) (b) Potential that things would improve (c) I felt had no choice (d) that's just what you do, you keep going (e) I didn't "keep on," I passively survived and things improved (f) I knew I had my whole life in front of me (g) I involved myself in helping others or other-centered activity (h) someone encouraged me (i) please describe as many reasons as you wish. Take as much space as you want.

8.      Do you live with a chronic illness, mental, physical, emotional, any combination? If so, how do you think living with a chronic illness affects the way you "keep on"?

9.      Do you feel you have become more or less resilient (able to deal with hopelessness) as you've gotten older?

10.   And finally, list at least one joy in Life you look forward to experiencing again. Some examples include: a brilliant bouquet of balloons, melted butter dripping on a piping hot biscuit, the rich scent of a beautiful blossom, the sound of a baby's laughter, the exquisite smoothness of a lover's secret places, the sensation of a warm gentle wind rustling your hair, the taste and texture of a favorite food on your tongue.