Tuesday, February 12, 2013

All Will Be Revealed

Obedience is a strange thing in my world. I vacillate between being fiercely independent, and conforming. Usually I subrogate my ego and pride when I tend to conform. I consider conforming a sacrifice of sorts, an acknowledgment that I do respect the Bigger Picture, the Universal Is – that there is Something Bigger Than I Am, and ultimately more important in the scheme of things.

I recognize that my pride is a weakness, my ego a flaw. And yet, they are such large parts of who I am that I can’t just excise them without leaving gaping mauls. On one hand, I’d never have made it to where I am now without the support of myriad others. On the other, I’ve struggled and worked damned hard to get here. Anyway, these are things to work out another day.

Today, my horoscope – the one I trust explicitly, the one that has been spot-on 99% of the time since I’ve started following it – urged me to tell the one I am in love with that I love him. It even acknowledges I “need to be bold and brave,” “sacrifice a little bit of your image and [a] whole lot of your pride.”

So I offer a compromise, Universe. I’ll do it, but I won’t do it directly. Call me a chickensh*t, I’ll own that label. But I’m doing the best I can under the circumstances. I haven’t had a lot of support lately, and it’s scary as hell. It’s been like riding a bike with my eyes closed, quite frankly.

Hello out there. If you grew up in a place named for Tyler’s Secretary of War, and live in a place best known for silver and blue bags, and know what dlskjslksa means, I am in love with you. I acknowledge this isn’t the most romantic confession ever, and I apologize for that. But it is heartfelt, and sincere. This is not a rebound thing. I have taken it out and examined it, dissected every inch of it. I’m far more analytical than I am romantic. I am satisfied this is real.

It would mean a great deal to me if you acknowledged reading this, in some way. And I apologize for the second-grader scenario. That’s embarrassing in and of itself, but it’s the best I can muster under the circumstances. ~~GH

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