Wake-up Call

Had a rare glimpse into an alternate reality first thing recently. Woke up to an insistent Timmy's-in-the-well caliber concert of caterwauling and wondered if the place was on fire. Turns out the last time I closed the door, I must have somehow neglected to engage the catch. 

Momma had pushed it open, and weaved around at the side of my bed, screaming that my presence was required. Neow. 

I was relieved the "worst" had not happened (Momma used to piss on the ex's pillow, and I feared she would repeat the behavior if allowed in my bedroom. Cats have long memories). I was surprised that she hadn't jumped up on the bed. 

But yeah, dragging myself out of a deep sleep to the sound of a shrieking, insistent feline is not my wake-up call of choice, so the door shall remain closed with her on the other side per usual from now on. ~~GH

Twist the Night Away

Cats are not of this earth. You know this, I know this, most thinking individuals realize it, as well.

Usually felines present a reasonable facsimile of an earth life form (although if examined closely, reality dissolves the facade, cracks form, the whole thing goes to hell in a hand basket and their alien origin is exposed), but their true nature is often revealed once they slip into slumber.

Here, Momma reverts to her more natural, twisted form. In this pose, she can move both forward and backward, up and down, side to side, etc. She can perambulate on all fours, front two, back two, or any combination she desires. She is limited only by her imagination and -- thankfully, the one built-in limitation that cats are subject to -- the need for up to twenty hours of sleep a day. ~~GH

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Pain is a bully; I hate it when it talks. Pain walks hand-in-hand with Fear and Lies; together, the three push Hope and Sleep off the sidewalk of Life. ~GH

Tonight I felt exhausted and laid down quite early (for me). Slept three hours and awoke around midnight. There are changes coming in my life -- I feel them acutely. I welcome their arrival. I wonder if I'm ready to step up into these new roles. 

I felt a great deal of physical pain, couldn't get back to sleep, tried for three hours and finally gave up. Went downstairs to take a couple of pain pills to see if I could find some relief and get back to sleep. I have a test in the morning - my last test before finals.

Looked through a bookcase and re-discovered a book of Kahlil Gibran's letters (this one is Kahlil Gibran: A Self-Portrait, published in 1959. There are other collections of his correspondence). Skimming through, I remembered that his health was poor. That set off a trigger and I received a mental image of a cracked vessel. 

I wondered if our bodies weaken as our spirits grow strong? Does one feed off the other, I supposed? And I wondered why I had to invest so much energy into simply surviving for so many years. What impact did that have on my spiritual development? My physical health? If I hadn't had to scramble to live, where might I be or get to in my creative life? 

Then I thought about what little I have to offer compared to how much I want to give. And I wept. 

In Gibran's words to his friend, Emil Zaidan:

There is nothing more difficult than the existence of a strong spirit in a weak body. I feel--I am not modest--that I am just at the beginning of a mountain road. The twenty years which I have spent as a writer and painter were but an era of preparation and desire. Up to the present time I have not yet done anything worthy of remaining before the face of the sun. My ideas have not ripened yet, and my net is still submerged in water.

I realize I'm mostly feeling lonely and exhausted. It is the very end of the semester. Resolutions to issues that have long troubled me appear to be on the horizon -- but they've deceived me before with the promise of settlement. I am tired of being teased. My faith has been stretched to the limits of its endurance. There are endings in sight - so near and still, seemingly so far away. New beginnings beckon. I want to just turn away from dealing with unpleasantries and embrace happiness. I am so ready for Joy. 

But I have some loose ends to tie up first. Reminding myself that it won't be as long as it has been, this hellish journey. There truly is light at the end of the tunnel.~~GH