Dancing in the Dark

When we don’t openly address our fears in relationship, we isolate ourselves from each other, clinging to a no-one’s-land somewhere between our inner and outer fears, infecting our relationship with our various strategies to get away from our fears. Fear does not go away as we mature; we simply learn to work with it more and more effectively, minding its presence less and less.

                      ~~ Robert Augustus Masters

This spoke to me as I read it. I re-read it several times and let it sink in.

It is true for me, that whole devising strategies to escape my fears. And it's ridiculous, pointless, really. Like running away from my shadow. 

I think that's how I shall conceptualize my fears from now on, as part and parcel of myself, as shadows that tag along and will remain attached. Certain ways the light shines (situations that trigger my fears), the shadows/fears become more visible or noticeable. But as I accept their presence and stop trying to run away from them or escape my own shadows, I will grow to mind their presence less and less.

I like that. Thank you, Robert August Masters. ~~GH

Spare Change

Maybe we're like clay. It has the potential to be malleable and change shapes, to be warped or formed or crushed and then re-formed. Maybe when we experience these metaphysical epiphanies, our clay shape shifts -- a little, or a lot, depending. Maybe this shape shifting isn't damaging, but it is painful letting go of the old shape that we've become accustomed to holding -- like how your muscles complain when you get up after sitting for a long period of time. Or how a baby, after being cramped in a folded position for literally months suddenly is forced from its dark warm claustrophobic world into cold light, its body suddenly unsupported, limbs flailing that are used to being tucked around its own form. No wonder babies howl when they're born.

Maybe this is why we tend to resist change. And yet, the whole purpose for our clay being malleable is so we can shift shapes. And still, we fear. It is like feeling anxious the sun will come up tomorrow -- it will surely happen whether we fear it or not, so why not relax and accept the eventuality? Because we are not rational beings. And I don't mean that in a negative sense. It isn't that simple.

You don't just make a choice not to fear. Trust me, if that were possible, I would have overcome fear by now. ~~GH

Guest Poet: Rumi

You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens. 

~~ Rumi

Bonus Post: Paradigm Shift in the Henhouse

I've lived in The Truman Show the past nineteen years. It required an adjustment to process that fact, reconstruct my reality, to be able to move onward. 

Channel changed. Time for The Ginger Show now. :)

Bonus Post: Guest Poet Robert Augustus Masters

For full effect, listen to video beginning at 1:40 for this post. I apologize; this is not my favorite version of this tune but it the only version I could find that plays on all platforms. 

 Poetry should not be so much read as imbibed, perhaps after releasing its juices with an unapologetically deep bite or two. No bibs. No napkined abyss. Sit as though you are at a feast, even if the fare is spare, knowing that the tiniest morsel can make the biggest difference.

                                ~~Robert Augustus Masters

For my special friend on this momentous day; you know who you are. I hope you understand.

In grief, the heart is broken in the same way that a stream rushing down through a mountainside forest is broken — it’s still cohesive spiritually, still unified in essence, its elemental dying only strengthening and affirming its fundamental aliveness, its rough-and-tumble course only furthering its dynamic yet utterly vulnerable surrender. 

                                         ~~Robert Augustus Masters

Let the unknown dissolve in a deeper unknown
See more than what is shown
The undoing that we fear is already here
The Mystery of mysteries closer than near
Beyond all familiarity we eventually must go
This we fight and this we know
                     ~~Robert Augustus Masters

Grace vs, Rationalization

In a perfect Universe, when Doubt stands on your shoulder and whispers sweet somethings in your ear, Grace steps in.

Grace is transforming. Grace offers a safe haven that enables us to gather our courage and take action, but does not restrict us. Grace is an open shelter.

Grace's evil twin is Rationalization. Rationalization is crippling. Rationalization is a wall that blocks us in and keeps us trapped.

So how do we recognize the difference between the roof and the wall? 

First, let me remind you that I am not a psychologist (nor do I play one on TV), or anything else; I am just a person like you traveling the Path. I have no authority or power. These are just my thoughts, expressed and shared with others. This is some heavy-duty stuff. Each of us is responsible for doing our own work. I'm just letting you peek at my paper.

So I am faced with the situation (carrying over from yesterday's blog post) where I need to decide whether I can trust others (Still? Ever? Someday?), or whether it is safer/more acceptable to me to choose not to trust. Note that this has nothing to do with others and everything to do with me.

Grace says, “Rest in me and it will be enough. You are safe. You can do it; you can move forward. It will be all right. I promise and I always keep my promises.” And She does.

Rationalization sidles up and whispers, “Do [or don't]; you can always change your mind later.” Rationalization is the voice that tells you to stop thinking about a situation and put it off until tomorrow. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed and confused that we rationalize in order to function.

Rationalization is like quicksand. It sucks at your shoes and prevents you from moving forward.

I'm thinking Grace allows all parties involved to move freely; Rationalization holds back the one who rationalizes while permitting the object of the rationalization to move along.

The illusion is that you are moving on. Your feet shuffle, the scenery changes, it seems like you're traveling. But in reality, you are marching in place. Rationalization says “He meant well; he wasn't trying to hurt me with those lies.”

Now we're moving into not only Motivation, but Judgment as well. This may well be a neverending series of musings, folks. Every time I think I'm coming to a natural conclusion, I find another butterfly to chase. Maybe I'm drawing closer to finding Truth?

Then again, maybe all of this is total bullshit.

Still, I find myself wanting to forgive, to let go, to refuse to hold onto anger and resentment, to trust. This represents one of Life's paradoxes. While it is simple to close one's eyes and -- poof -- blow away the chaff from one's hand, it is complicated to let go of anger and resentment.

Forgiveness and trust feel a lot alike to me. The sensation I get when I actively forgive another person is a breath of fresh air, a lightness, a positive energy. Trusting someone freely feels nearly identical.

I like how it feels. 

So for Today, with the help of Grace, I choose... to trust.~~GHC