Pinky and The Brain

Wisdom and insight: they're not for sissies. ~~ Ginger Hamilton

There is no one-size-fits-all, cookie cutter solution. If it were that simple, we'd arrive with an instruction manual. Sure, there are general guidelines: Treat one another as you wish to be treated, love one another. That's about it, my friends. 

Everything else is subject to situational influence. 

On a positive note, there is and never shall be a dearth of decisions to make! So don't even think about getting bored. If you're living, that won't be an issue. 

I'm a Libra, and I tend to overthink things. My scales never rest. I am constantly weighing the pros and cons and trying to find the best balance for all concerned. Thankfully, I'm not greedy or out for myself. If I were, I'd be a maniacal evil genius.

As it is, I'm Pinky instead. :) ~~GH

Haven't Got Time for the Pain

Some people have skewed concepts of what Love is. They love, they don't Love. They experience the positive feelings that wash over them without extension to their love object. 

For instance, I believe if you Love someone, you would do nothing to harm them. You don't do mean little things out of spite; you don't seek to "get even." More than that, you proactively think of them and their feelings. It's not all about you any more, not once you Love another.

With one's child, it's pretty easy to figure out how to Love - at least, at first. A mother aligns her very soul with her firstborn's soul. She studies that little one's face for a ripple of displeasure, watches for muscle relaxation that means relief of tension. She seeks to please that baby. Intently.

Some people aren't able to step far enough out of themselves to please someone else. All they can do is manipulate circumstances in order to hopefully elicit a response that mimics pleasing others. Whether it's the pretense of a positive behavior, a gift, an apology, or a physical action, the outward illusion is that of consideration while the reality is manipulation.

Manipulation does not equal Love. Or even love.

When I feel vulnerable, I tend towards selfishness. Lately, I catch myself NEEDING so much that I have to consciously refrain from feeling guilty about it. I remind myself that this is a temporary thing, a phase. It is appropriate to need right now. I have a deficit to correct. 

I sense it filling.

Back to that mother. The mature mother soothes the baby because she wants the baby to be happy. The mother's peace-of-mind is an offshoot, a benefit, not the goal. Her prime directive is the child's happiness. Some folks can't function that way. For them, the goal is to stop their own discomfort. Baby cries? Soothe so I don't hear baby crying any more. Baby feeling comforted is the side effect.

The same thing happens with apologies. Someone feels bad because they did something, well, bad to another person. They ritually apologize. Repeatedly. What is the motivation though? Do they apologize because they sincerely feel sorrow for the hurt they caused someone else; do they apologize because they feel uncomfortable knowing they did something wrong that caused hurt to someone else, and they want to stop feeling uncomfortable? Put another way, are you sorry you hurt me, or are you sorry that you feel guilty because you hurt me? Which feeling is stronger? That's what I thought.

Some people apologize the same way they love. They demonstrate outward actions and behaviors that simulate Love when all they really are, are means to an end. And the end always comes back to them and their comfort. 

I guess some psychologists would say that ultimately everything comes back to us and our comfort, that there is no real stepping out of ourselves for someone else. I tend to disagree. Perhaps to my very real detriment, I am someone who does self-sacrifice for others at times. Often, it is painful but I think ultimately, it is what suits me. 

Looking back over this post, it strikes me as rambling and disjointed. I have to trust that the common thread, the theme shines through. It is what it is; this is the best I can do today. And it is enough. I leave you with Love. ~~GHC

The Road to Hell via Good Intentions

Today, the whiteboard in our living room reads “I love you [husband's name]” in big red letters. If you look very very closely, up in the wee lefthand corner, there is a lower case “g”. Yes, it is a message FROM him TO me. Even our daughter thought it was a message from me to him. But he fails to see these things. And what may be the saddest thing of all, is he doesn’t really even love himself.

Sooooo, that is where I am for now. Somewhere between a whiteboard and a hard place. I think my girls realize I am probably nearing the end of this Earthly journey. They are rallying around me, and I find great joy in that. I love my children endlessly.

My husband repeatedly assures me he is “really trying to do things for” me and I think the way he thinks, he truly is well-meaning. It’s not effective and it’s darned sad really, and it isn’t even that his heart is in the right place – it’s that he WANTS his heart to be in the right place. It’s how I think that the “road to Hell is paved with good intentions” saying breaks down to mean. It doesn’t say “good intentions paved the road to Hell.” So it isn’t good intentions that are bad or lead to Hell or add up substantially. And it isn’t failed attempts that pave the road to Hell, either. That’s not what “good intentions” means here.

The operative word, I believe, is “intentions.” He INTENDS for his actions to be good, but fails to follow through and do the work. It’s like as if I INTENDED to fix a bottle for the baby and I really love the baby and I want the baby to live, but I never got around to fixing the bottle and the baby died. My intentions aren’t the problem: my intentions were good. It’s my lack of action that paves the road to Hell, and the consequences of my inactions. It isn’t that I failed in preparing the bottle… if I’d tried, I would have been taking action and probably succeeded in feeding the baby. And if I couldn’t feed the baby, I’d realize I couldn’t and probably taken action to find a way TO feed the baby. It’s by not acting – by INTENDING to act – that the road to Hell was paved.

I can’t stand any more philosophical sh*t right now. You probably have overdosed on it by now. I love you. Thank you for reading.~GHC

Paradoxical Math Principles

Ya know, rights are like love. There's not a limited supply. The amount you give away does not diminish with the sharing. People have become so selfish that they have lost sight of the fact that some things are multiplied rather than divided when given away.~~GHC