Merrily, Merrily

"Imagine your life like a gentle river that flows seamlessly along. You are in the middle floating peacefully as the river is taking you on your path or journey through life. Along the way you pick up stones and rocks that begin to weigh you down. This is the pain and harm caused towards you throughout life. As you continue to have new experiences that cause you anger, pain, jealousy, etc, you continue to grab more and more stones, weighing you down further. You become consumed by the water, your life is drowning and all you can feel is the pain that is caused by all the stones you have picked up along the way, never realizing that by simply letting go of the stones, you would once again rise to the top and float peacefully down the river through your path with life."
   ~~Topher M. Young

[Interestingly enough, when I researched to learn more about Topher M. Young, I discovered he is the founder of the Paranormal Study and Investigative Research Organization, PSIRO. More here].

Far too frequently in my own life, I felt panicky and experience that drowning sensation. Sometimes it began with a mantra, as if it were a sacred rite: I am unworthy. I am unlovable. I will never be loved. I have failed. 

After reading Young's words above, I have decided when I next recognize that panicked feeling to realize I am hearing an old script, one that no longer applies to my current experience. I am worthy. I am lovable. I will be loved. I am loved. I have succeeded. 

I get two visual associations: One of slipping into anesthesia; the other, relaxing into a massage. Both involve letting go, relenting, giving one's self over to an experience. Both feel similar, wonderful in fact. There is nothing quite like that sensation of complete abandoned freedom and disconnect from troubles that both anesthesia and massage bring with them. 

Recently, I made the observation about how deceptively easy it is to let go of a rope ["Letting Go," February 17, 2013], and then there is the paradox of how difficult it is to let go of that rope when it seems to be what is keeping you alive as you dangle over a cliff (which I wrote extensively about but have not published yet on ChickenScratches). 

Another analogy is the leap of faith (I picture standing at the edge of a high diving board). It is so simple, just . . . jump . . . and yet, the hardest thing in the world to do -- until it's done. Once done, the truth of how easy the actual letting go is becomes revealed.

The next time I feel that drowning sensation, that hopeless sense that my life is destroyed and I am unworthy and unlovable, I am going to make the conscious choice to let go of those beliefs -- at least for that moment -- and instead love myself, at least the little child inside myself who has never done anything to deserve being unloved. (Her, I can love even when my mind insists the adult Ginger is unlovable. We are all works in progress).

I will listen for the rocks to plunk-plunk into the water. I will feel for the splash against my legs as the stones that weighed me down break the surface tension. I will associate those things with Love.

Here's to letting those rocks go. May we float effortlessly down the stream, my friend. I love you. ~~GH

Reach Out, But Not With Rocks

I just wrote the longest, most profound thing of my life and got an error and now it's gone. Trying to recreate.

Sometimes I reach out to others and find I cannot connect, no matter how hard I try. My hand goes right through them, or else suddenly veers to the left or right and misses them completely. And I keep trying until I am weary and sad and then angry. That's when I want to just throw rocks at the others. I mean, what difference does it make, right? The rocks aren't going to connect anyway. But that's the fallacy; the rocks do make contact. The rocks make contact and they hurt the people. And not only do they hurt the people, they anger the people, and cause the people to shut me out on purpose this time instead of incidentally.

And the worst of all is, some people live their entire lives like this, not connecting with others although they desparately try. They are magnets turned the wrong way somehow. They push to connect but are always repelled. And they become hurt and then angry and push harder, are repelled just as hard, and they can't understand why.

There is a rift in the fabric of the Universe that causes these disconnective episodes. I don't pretend to understand the purpose of them; for me, it is enough to know they are temporary and I live in confidence knowing I will eventually connect again. But for some of our brothers and sisters, there is no such assurance. And they throw rocks. So if someone sits and throws rocks at you, instead of throwing rocks back throw Grace if you possibly can. Then be thankful you aren't stuck on the wrong side of the Universal rift. ~~GHC

Note: You do NOT want to Google "throw rocks." *Shudders*